I recently found a blog post of questions titled “50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind". The questions are extremely thought provoking and I am going to dedicate today’s blog to answering one of the questions.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
The one thing that I’ve done that I really would like to do is get a degree or a certificate of some sort. I did attend university briefly after high school so I do have a few credit hours under my belt and I did get to experience a bit of the “university life.” The reason I have not returned to school is simple – I have changed my mind 1000 times on what I want to do with my life.
When I first attended university, my major was Justice Studies because I was completely enthralled with the criminal mind. Not just any criminal’s mind, however. Mostly just psychopaths and murderers. Morbid, yes? But then I started thinking that maybe psychology was more what I was into so then I started thinking I’d like to have a minor in psychology. I actually think that I have more psychology classes under my belt than I do classes that are really relevant to justice studies haha. I was just really interested in what makes the criminal mind tick. I still am interested in that but I don’t think I could work in that field.
Last fall I got a job at the local newspaper. Writing has always been a passion of mine so I thought this job would open all sorts of doors for me. While it did fuel my writing passion momentarily, I grew tired of that job in rather quickly. It was exciting to have a job writing but the type of writing I was required to do was not something that could hold my interest for very long. While working at the paper, however, I decided I wanted to try university again. So I got re-admitted to the University of Regina in pre-journalism. But, after realizing how hard it would be to juggle working full time, all day, some evenings and taking care of a toddler at the same time, I quickly backed out.
Now, I have a new venture in mind that I am hesitant to even share on here. It’s something that I am recently very passionate about but I am worried about my quiet personality being a hindrance. I know it’s stupid but I am scared of telling everyone that I am going to further my education and then back out, again. I am afraid of failing but, more than that, I’m afraid of looking like a failure. I almost feel like if I do decide to go down this road, I won’t be telling very many people about it. That way, if I fail, I won’t feel embarrassed as well as feeling like a failure. I know that I need to get over this fear because it’s going to rub off on Melina and I definitely don’t want my shortcomings to become hers by my hand. But we’ll see what doors open, if any, in the near future and I’ll be keeping you all updated of course. ;)
What’s holding YOU back from doing something you really want?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
Clean eating is a new concept for me. For the past three years, I have known ABOUT clean eating but never attempted to eat clean because (a) it isn’t always the most convenient option when you’re a rather new mother (AKA it’s so much easier to make some instant mashed potatoes and pop some chicken fingers in the oven than it is to make a meal from scratch) and (b) it seemed hard/impossible!
What is eating clean, exactly? According to the Eat Clean Diet website:
“It is eating the way nature intended. You eat the foods our bodies evolved to function best on, and that makes you feel – and look – fantastic. When you Eat Clean you eat more often. You will eat lean protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats. These practices keep your blood-sugar levels stable and keep you satisfied. The best part is that if you need to lose weight it will happen almost without you having to try. And yes, you can have a treat now and again.
Best of all, Eating Clean keeps you feeling great and full of energy. In fact, you can forget all about the days when “dieting” meant feelings of hunger, lethargy or deprivation.
Eating Clean is not a fad; it’s a way of life.”
TJ and I have been eating clean for two weeks now and I have come to a few conclusions.
1. It is FUN to find new and healthy recipes to try out! I have a whole binder full of “Chantelle’s Clean Recipes” now and I look forward to adding more recipes to it as time goes by! I do have one of the Eat Clean Diet cookbooks but I’ve found that a lot of the recipes in there are kind of intimidating due to amount of ingredients needed for the recipes and the types of ingredients. I will say this though, Old Fashion Foods is an amazing place to start looking for those obscure ingredients you’ve never heard of!
2. In these two weeks, I have not felt guilty after a meal. This is a huge accomplishment for me. There used to never be a day that went by where I didn’t feel some degree of guilt after a meal. But since we started eating clean, I have felt nothing but happy after meal time. I no longer feel bad about feeding my body crappy foods.
3. Before we started eating clean, we ate healthy most of the time. But there were some days where I’d use a box of stuffing or Uncle Ben’s 90 second microwave rice to round out supper which isn’t obviously the best choice but it was convenient. Now, I don’t even have the urge to use these convenience foods because natural food is just that much better!
I will admit though that there are times it is hard to feed TJ and myself as well as Melina while eating clean. She’s 2.5 years old – she doesn’t eat salad. But we make do. I have to make a little extra food sometimes but it’s worked for us.
I will be honest here though. We have had a ‘free day’ since the beginning of our eating clean adventure. Instead of derailing our progress like free days usually do, it’s kept us on track. We went to Regina over the weekend and treated ourselves to a supper out and a movie (which, of course, we *needed* to buy popcorn to feed TJs popcorn demons ;) ). And, again, instead of feeling guilty about treating ourselves, we didn’t because every other meal of the week we ate clean! I read in another blog somewhere the other day where the author admitted to eating “80% clean, 20% dirty” and I think that’s something completely doable within our family for the time being.
Im not trying to come off as an eating clean expert because I’m really not. At all. But it’s just so much fun to be doing a good thing for my body that I am excited to hopefully become better at this eating clean business one day! I have had a few friends inquire about clean eating since I started posting about it on Facebook and I love knowing that the healthy choices my family makes may make a difference in the way another family chooses to fuel themselves.
Today, I made chocolate chunk almond butter cookies. They. Are. Amazing. I may never go back to regular cookies, ever again. The best part? They’re made of clean ingredients! It’s definitely a treat though. There’s no way I can keep a constant stash of these bad boys in my house because, let’s be honest, I’ve had more than my fair share today. But it’s great to know I can satisfy my chocolate craving with something that is concerned clean, even if the cookies should be viewed as a treat!
Want the recipe? Check out this website. http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/Recipes/Recipe/Almond-Butter-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies.aspx This website/magazine is an excellent source for people wanting to check out some amazing clean eating recipes.
What is eating clean, exactly? According to the Eat Clean Diet website:
“It is eating the way nature intended. You eat the foods our bodies evolved to function best on, and that makes you feel – and look – fantastic. When you Eat Clean you eat more often. You will eat lean protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats. These practices keep your blood-sugar levels stable and keep you satisfied. The best part is that if you need to lose weight it will happen almost without you having to try. And yes, you can have a treat now and again.
Best of all, Eating Clean keeps you feeling great and full of energy. In fact, you can forget all about the days when “dieting” meant feelings of hunger, lethargy or deprivation.
Eating Clean is not a fad; it’s a way of life.”
TJ and I have been eating clean for two weeks now and I have come to a few conclusions.
1. It is FUN to find new and healthy recipes to try out! I have a whole binder full of “Chantelle’s Clean Recipes” now and I look forward to adding more recipes to it as time goes by! I do have one of the Eat Clean Diet cookbooks but I’ve found that a lot of the recipes in there are kind of intimidating due to amount of ingredients needed for the recipes and the types of ingredients. I will say this though, Old Fashion Foods is an amazing place to start looking for those obscure ingredients you’ve never heard of!
2. In these two weeks, I have not felt guilty after a meal. This is a huge accomplishment for me. There used to never be a day that went by where I didn’t feel some degree of guilt after a meal. But since we started eating clean, I have felt nothing but happy after meal time. I no longer feel bad about feeding my body crappy foods.
3. Before we started eating clean, we ate healthy most of the time. But there were some days where I’d use a box of stuffing or Uncle Ben’s 90 second microwave rice to round out supper which isn’t obviously the best choice but it was convenient. Now, I don’t even have the urge to use these convenience foods because natural food is just that much better!
I will admit though that there are times it is hard to feed TJ and myself as well as Melina while eating clean. She’s 2.5 years old – she doesn’t eat salad. But we make do. I have to make a little extra food sometimes but it’s worked for us.
I will be honest here though. We have had a ‘free day’ since the beginning of our eating clean adventure. Instead of derailing our progress like free days usually do, it’s kept us on track. We went to Regina over the weekend and treated ourselves to a supper out and a movie (which, of course, we *needed* to buy popcorn to feed TJs popcorn demons ;) ). And, again, instead of feeling guilty about treating ourselves, we didn’t because every other meal of the week we ate clean! I read in another blog somewhere the other day where the author admitted to eating “80% clean, 20% dirty” and I think that’s something completely doable within our family for the time being.
Im not trying to come off as an eating clean expert because I’m really not. At all. But it’s just so much fun to be doing a good thing for my body that I am excited to hopefully become better at this eating clean business one day! I have had a few friends inquire about clean eating since I started posting about it on Facebook and I love knowing that the healthy choices my family makes may make a difference in the way another family chooses to fuel themselves.
Today, I made chocolate chunk almond butter cookies. They. Are. Amazing. I may never go back to regular cookies, ever again. The best part? They’re made of clean ingredients! It’s definitely a treat though. There’s no way I can keep a constant stash of these bad boys in my house because, let’s be honest, I’ve had more than my fair share today. But it’s great to know I can satisfy my chocolate craving with something that is concerned clean, even if the cookies should be viewed as a treat!
Want the recipe? Check out this website. http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/Recipes/Recipe/Almond-Butter-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies.aspx This website/magazine is an excellent source for people wanting to check out some amazing clean eating recipes.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The future depends on what we do in the present
I have always had a bit of a temper, which surprises a lot of people I think. I come off as shy and quiet around people I don’t really know or am uncomfortable around but the truth is, when I am with my friends or family, I am a completely different person. I’m silly, dorky and I’ve come to realize, lately especially, that I sing a LOT (this is why Melina sing songs her way through half of the day most days). I am not a good singer but I constantly have a song stuck in my head, whether it’s the theme song to Caillou or Blue’s Clues or the Oompa Loompa song, which randomly came to me last week and has been rearing its ugly head daily, much to TJ’s dismay. Although I am happy-go-lucky most of the time, I do have a temperamental side that shows up once in a while, not often, but enough to make it a suitable blog topic, apparently.
A super quick synopsis for those of you who don’t know, TJ was in a car accident in Oct. 2009 that left him paralyzed from the chest down. A lot of my anger stems from my husband’s car accident. But first of all, let me make this clear, I don’t want to make this a therapy blog and I really do NOT want people feeling sorry for us. The reason I started this blog (“Me, Inspired”) was to get in touch with the inner Chantelle and blog about things that have happened or are happening to me as a way of keeping me inspired to live my life the way I want to live it. I am so iffy about blogging about TJ’s car accident not because it’s a sore subject, because it’s really not, but because I don’t want the accident to defy who we are as a couple, or, even as individuals. I have found that when I think about our relationship, I think about it in two ways – “before the accident” and “after the accident” and I hate that I do that. Yes, things are different because of the accident but we are still the same people on the inside. He still acts like an overexcited eight-year-old on Christmas and I’m right there beside him acting the same way. We are still the same people.
The anger I feel is not directed at TJ in any way, shape or form. I am angry at the situation. I am angry that we had to go through this. Yes, the accident made us stronger people and proved to me that our bond is like no other, but dammit, it makes me angry. And I’m allowed to be angry. It has taken me almost two years to realize it but I am allowed to feel this anger. Life shit on us, to put it eloquently. It did. But it could have been so much worse. TJ could’ve lost his life. It came so close to that.
When I get angry I ask myself, “why him?” Why did it have to be TJ to get into the accident? I can’t even count how many times I wish it had been me. I would’ve, no doubt, taken the paralysis news much differently than TJ did but I still wish it had been me in the truck instead of him.
Other times I am angry because I’m holding onto the memory of him leaving for work the night of his accident. I can remember it so well and I’m afraid it’ll be etched into my memory forever. TJ & I were hugging as he was about to leave for work and Melina, who had just turned one a week earlier, toddled up to us and wanted us to pick her up. So we had a three-way family hug and then Melina and I walked TJ to the door and watched him run to his truck, start it up and drive out of the driveway. When I think back to that night, I feel like a part of me knew something was going to happen. We never watched him drive away like that before. But I am always going to remember that moment. And other little moments from earlier that day as well, we had grilled cheese sandwiches and sweet potato fries for lunch. It really is like October 24, 2009 was the end of one part of my life. I remember every little detail and it still haunts me. I had a bath and had just hopped into bed to go to sleep when I got the phone call from “TJ” (the RCMP using TJ’s phone). I know it’s no fault of my own but I still get a little mad at myself when I think that I was lounging in the bath tub with a book as TJ was fighting for his life.
TJ and I have learned to make light of the situation. Hours after his diagnosis, TJ was making jokes about not being able to swing dance with me at our wedding. We had planned to surprise our guests with an awesome choreographed swing dance and had just begun practicing swing dancing when TJ had his accident. So that idea went out the window after the accident. But, you know what? Half way through our wedding reception, we stepped out onto the dance floor and did a little swing dance which we had practiced at home, with TJ in his chair, the week leading up to the wedding. It was perfect.
Melina has learned it’s pretty cool to have a dad in a wheelchair as she’s always hopping on his lap and driving around (or, at times, hijacking his car and taking it for a spin). In fact, when TJ was still in rehabilitation, Melina used to push him around in his chair all of the time, making her a very popular little girl in the ward TJ was staying in.
I guess, in a way, October 24, 2009 was the end of one chapter in my life. The 25th of October began a new, very different chapter but a new chapter, nonetheless. The 24th wasn’t the end of mine and TJ’s lives, and we don’t ever look at it that way. Yes, the way we live our day-to-day lives are very different now than ‘before’ the accident. But at least I am still able to look him in the eye and kiss him and know that with him everything will be okay.
A super quick synopsis for those of you who don’t know, TJ was in a car accident in Oct. 2009 that left him paralyzed from the chest down. A lot of my anger stems from my husband’s car accident. But first of all, let me make this clear, I don’t want to make this a therapy blog and I really do NOT want people feeling sorry for us. The reason I started this blog (“Me, Inspired”) was to get in touch with the inner Chantelle and blog about things that have happened or are happening to me as a way of keeping me inspired to live my life the way I want to live it. I am so iffy about blogging about TJ’s car accident not because it’s a sore subject, because it’s really not, but because I don’t want the accident to defy who we are as a couple, or, even as individuals. I have found that when I think about our relationship, I think about it in two ways – “before the accident” and “after the accident” and I hate that I do that. Yes, things are different because of the accident but we are still the same people on the inside. He still acts like an overexcited eight-year-old on Christmas and I’m right there beside him acting the same way. We are still the same people.
The anger I feel is not directed at TJ in any way, shape or form. I am angry at the situation. I am angry that we had to go through this. Yes, the accident made us stronger people and proved to me that our bond is like no other, but dammit, it makes me angry. And I’m allowed to be angry. It has taken me almost two years to realize it but I am allowed to feel this anger. Life shit on us, to put it eloquently. It did. But it could have been so much worse. TJ could’ve lost his life. It came so close to that.
When I get angry I ask myself, “why him?” Why did it have to be TJ to get into the accident? I can’t even count how many times I wish it had been me. I would’ve, no doubt, taken the paralysis news much differently than TJ did but I still wish it had been me in the truck instead of him.
Other times I am angry because I’m holding onto the memory of him leaving for work the night of his accident. I can remember it so well and I’m afraid it’ll be etched into my memory forever. TJ & I were hugging as he was about to leave for work and Melina, who had just turned one a week earlier, toddled up to us and wanted us to pick her up. So we had a three-way family hug and then Melina and I walked TJ to the door and watched him run to his truck, start it up and drive out of the driveway. When I think back to that night, I feel like a part of me knew something was going to happen. We never watched him drive away like that before. But I am always going to remember that moment. And other little moments from earlier that day as well, we had grilled cheese sandwiches and sweet potato fries for lunch. It really is like October 24, 2009 was the end of one part of my life. I remember every little detail and it still haunts me. I had a bath and had just hopped into bed to go to sleep when I got the phone call from “TJ” (the RCMP using TJ’s phone). I know it’s no fault of my own but I still get a little mad at myself when I think that I was lounging in the bath tub with a book as TJ was fighting for his life.
TJ and I have learned to make light of the situation. Hours after his diagnosis, TJ was making jokes about not being able to swing dance with me at our wedding. We had planned to surprise our guests with an awesome choreographed swing dance and had just begun practicing swing dancing when TJ had his accident. So that idea went out the window after the accident. But, you know what? Half way through our wedding reception, we stepped out onto the dance floor and did a little swing dance which we had practiced at home, with TJ in his chair, the week leading up to the wedding. It was perfect.
Melina has learned it’s pretty cool to have a dad in a wheelchair as she’s always hopping on his lap and driving around (or, at times, hijacking his car and taking it for a spin). In fact, when TJ was still in rehabilitation, Melina used to push him around in his chair all of the time, making her a very popular little girl in the ward TJ was staying in.
I guess, in a way, October 24, 2009 was the end of one chapter in my life. The 25th of October began a new, very different chapter but a new chapter, nonetheless. The 24th wasn’t the end of mine and TJ’s lives, and we don’t ever look at it that way. Yes, the way we live our day-to-day lives are very different now than ‘before’ the accident. But at least I am still able to look him in the eye and kiss him and know that with him everything will be okay.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The power of imagination makes us infinite
Our family had a garage sale the past few days and I found myself with a few hours of fairly quiet Mommy-time while I manned the sale. It was really nice as it’s rare that I get even a few minutes of uninterrupted Mommy-time anytime our daughter is awake. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong! It’s all part of being a Mama! But this alone time over the past few days was beneficial to me because I had an opportunity to be alone with my thoughts, which is something that used to be a bit dangerous but I really embraced it this time around.
I got to thinking about what I want out of life. Many people I know have goals they want to achieve during their lifetime and have even worked on a five or ten year plan. Sitting here and writing this now I realize that I’ve never really thought that far ahead before. Sure, in high school I had a makeshift “bucket list” with specific things I wanted to do before I died, but so many of the things on there don’t even really apply to my life these days that I pretty much scrapped it (though, to be honest, I mostly just lost the list). Things that were important to me then like “become a waitress” and “be someone’s escort to grad” (seriously, those were two of the things on my list) aren’t important to me at all now. Maybe one day I will create another bucket list. Lord knows I love lists! But, for now, I am concentrating on the things that I want out of life. While I’m on my death bed, I want to be able to look back on how I lived and say “yea, I did it. I got the most out of my life!”
So, what is it that I want most out of my life?
- Lots of laughter
- Happiness
- Self-acceptance
- Adventure & challenge
- To be a loving mother with an amazing relationship with my child(ren?)
- Find a career I love
- Learn to love myself
Some of these things on the list like laughter and happiness are already in my life. But I put them on the list because I want to remind myself throughout the years of the things that were important to me at some point in my life.
Self-acceptance and learning to love myself are things that I’ve always struggled with. Always. I got 85% on a test but I SHOULD have gotten 90%. I finally ran a 5K after being a chubby kid who hated gym class but I COULD’VE run it faster. I killed seven opponents in Call of Duty: Black Ops online but I COULD’VE killed ten if I were better (seriously, that one happened last night haha). There is just an awful lot of negative self-talk on my behalf that ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Oh, you’ll never lose those last 10 baby pounds!” is a common phrase I say to myself when I nail down a good nutrition and workout regimen. And then because I don’t believe in myself, I fail. So, I need to work on that.
Adventure is something I’ve found that I crave a lot lately. To be honest, before my husband’s car accident, running races or going on hard adventure trips never occurred to me. But as soon as he was well enough to race in his wheelchair, we ran/wheeled a 5K together because I signed us both up thinking it would keep us motivated and healthy and it did. I have a dream one day of going on a solo adventure (‘solo’ meaning without anyone I know) overseas to trek mountains and do crazy things that will test my physical capabilities. Nothing like this ever really crossed my mind before TJ’s accident and I don’t know what it is that makes me crave that kind of challenge now but I love it. I think it had something to do with his positivity and perseverance through all of the negative things that had been thrown his way that inspired me to become this way. It just made me realize how short and unpredictable life really is and I want to make sure I take every chance I can get to make my life worth living!
It is important to me that I maintain a close relationship with my daughter for pretty obvious reasons. She has changed me for the better in so many ways and I absolutely cannot imagine who I would be without her in my life. She has taught me so many things about myself, life and my relationship with my hubby and has added laughter and joy to our lives daily. I want to ensure that this relationship stays strong throughout her childhood years and teenage years. I want her to know she can confide in me and I will accept her, no matter what mistakes she may make in life. I am her mother and I am here to love her unconditionally, support her no matter what and make sure she knows damn well how much I love her!!
I am 23 years old and still unsure what I want to do with my life. I have no degree/certificate under my belt and the only skill set I have is fixing an owie when my daughter scraps her knee or cooking a healthy meal for my family (most days). I look forward to getting more of an education some day and I have faith that one day I will have my light bulb moment and know just what it is I am supposed to do with my life. I feel that day is closer now than ever. But, until then, I wait patiently.
So what is it exactly that’s in my makeshift five year plan? Find a career path that’s suited to my personality and interests, pursue that career path through higher education, be there for Melina when she starts Kindergarten (scary thought), to accept any curve balls life throws at my family with grace and ease, to provide a stable home for Melina to rely upon, to add adventure in my life, to learn to love myself and to pass that self-love onto Melina in a healthy way (no arrogance here).
Do you have a five year plan?
I got to thinking about what I want out of life. Many people I know have goals they want to achieve during their lifetime and have even worked on a five or ten year plan. Sitting here and writing this now I realize that I’ve never really thought that far ahead before. Sure, in high school I had a makeshift “bucket list” with specific things I wanted to do before I died, but so many of the things on there don’t even really apply to my life these days that I pretty much scrapped it (though, to be honest, I mostly just lost the list). Things that were important to me then like “become a waitress” and “be someone’s escort to grad” (seriously, those were two of the things on my list) aren’t important to me at all now. Maybe one day I will create another bucket list. Lord knows I love lists! But, for now, I am concentrating on the things that I want out of life. While I’m on my death bed, I want to be able to look back on how I lived and say “yea, I did it. I got the most out of my life!”
So, what is it that I want most out of my life?
- Lots of laughter
- Happiness
- Self-acceptance
- Adventure & challenge
- To be a loving mother with an amazing relationship with my child(ren?)
- Find a career I love
- Learn to love myself
Some of these things on the list like laughter and happiness are already in my life. But I put them on the list because I want to remind myself throughout the years of the things that were important to me at some point in my life.
Self-acceptance and learning to love myself are things that I’ve always struggled with. Always. I got 85% on a test but I SHOULD have gotten 90%. I finally ran a 5K after being a chubby kid who hated gym class but I COULD’VE run it faster. I killed seven opponents in Call of Duty: Black Ops online but I COULD’VE killed ten if I were better (seriously, that one happened last night haha). There is just an awful lot of negative self-talk on my behalf that ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Oh, you’ll never lose those last 10 baby pounds!” is a common phrase I say to myself when I nail down a good nutrition and workout regimen. And then because I don’t believe in myself, I fail. So, I need to work on that.
Adventure is something I’ve found that I crave a lot lately. To be honest, before my husband’s car accident, running races or going on hard adventure trips never occurred to me. But as soon as he was well enough to race in his wheelchair, we ran/wheeled a 5K together because I signed us both up thinking it would keep us motivated and healthy and it did. I have a dream one day of going on a solo adventure (‘solo’ meaning without anyone I know) overseas to trek mountains and do crazy things that will test my physical capabilities. Nothing like this ever really crossed my mind before TJ’s accident and I don’t know what it is that makes me crave that kind of challenge now but I love it. I think it had something to do with his positivity and perseverance through all of the negative things that had been thrown his way that inspired me to become this way. It just made me realize how short and unpredictable life really is and I want to make sure I take every chance I can get to make my life worth living!
It is important to me that I maintain a close relationship with my daughter for pretty obvious reasons. She has changed me for the better in so many ways and I absolutely cannot imagine who I would be without her in my life. She has taught me so many things about myself, life and my relationship with my hubby and has added laughter and joy to our lives daily. I want to ensure that this relationship stays strong throughout her childhood years and teenage years. I want her to know she can confide in me and I will accept her, no matter what mistakes she may make in life. I am her mother and I am here to love her unconditionally, support her no matter what and make sure she knows damn well how much I love her!!
I am 23 years old and still unsure what I want to do with my life. I have no degree/certificate under my belt and the only skill set I have is fixing an owie when my daughter scraps her knee or cooking a healthy meal for my family (most days). I look forward to getting more of an education some day and I have faith that one day I will have my light bulb moment and know just what it is I am supposed to do with my life. I feel that day is closer now than ever. But, until then, I wait patiently.
So what is it exactly that’s in my makeshift five year plan? Find a career path that’s suited to my personality and interests, pursue that career path through higher education, be there for Melina when she starts Kindergarten (scary thought), to accept any curve balls life throws at my family with grace and ease, to provide a stable home for Melina to rely upon, to add adventure in my life, to learn to love myself and to pass that self-love onto Melina in a healthy way (no arrogance here).
Do you have a five year plan?
Sunday, July 3, 2011
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
Oh, wow. Where do I even start with this blog entry?
First & foremost, I am finally a married woman!
As long as TJ and I have been together, it’s still weird for us to call each other husband/wife. There have been a few instances where I had to stop myself from calling him my ‘fiancé.’ I think ‘husband’ is such a grown up sounding word though, isn’t it? I don’t consider TJ or myself grown ups at all, to be honest. Yes, we have grown up responsibilities but I just don’t feel like a grown up! I think I just may refuse to ever ‘grow up’, especially if it means becoming boring, monotonous and bland! BUT, I will save that rant for another day. I’m here to talk about the wedding.
Everything about our day was amazing, special and perfect. I honestly didn’t know what to expect when I woke up the morning of the wedding as we had not yet decided where to hold the wedding ceremony! After the weather man jumped back and forth between “90% chance of showers” to “partly cloudy” for our wedding day the entire week of our wedding, we knew the weather on our big day was going to be hit or miss! When I opened the curtains of my hotel room on the morning of the wedding, it was partly sunny and partly cloudy but the weather man called for thunderstorms in the afternoon, so we mutually decided to move the ceremony indoors to our back-up location which was the local theatre.
The one thing that was really special about both of the indoor and outdoor ceremony locations we had picked is that we visited both of them on the night TJ asked me to be his girlfriend. That night, one of our first dates when we were alone, we went to the movie at the Orpheum Theatre and saw Mission Impossible III. After the movie, we went for a walk through Royal Heights Park (after we got pulled over by the police because TJ’s work van was too loud to be driving on the streets so we had to go park and go for a walk).
The wedding morning went smoothly. Much more smoothly than I expected even though I broke my dress twice before our wedding coordinator (who I owe my life too, I swear) literally sewed me into it! Thanks Melanie! But other than that, things were perfect. My hair turned out awesome. My cousin Brandi came and did my make-up and was even applying it to me during the dress debacle. My bridesmaids look gorgeous. Our daughter was an absolute doll. It was just a dream come true.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry walking down the aisle. I didn’t want to be one of “those girls. “ But, as soon as I stepped foot into the theatre, heard my song start and saw TJ up on the stage, the waterworks turned on. Part of the tears was just because of all of the planning that went into the wedding and my disbelief that it was actually happening! The other reason I cried was just all that we’ve been through to get us to the point in life where we were actually finally able to get married. It was just overwhelming!
I calmed down by the time I reached the stage because I needed to concentrate on walking up the stairs without falling flat on my face. I also forced myself to hold back some tears because I didn’t want people to have pictures of me walking down the aisle with my ugly cry face. Some women cry gracefully. Not me. I’m one of those people whose faces wrinkle up unapologetically and I end up looking like a newborn baby and just all around repulsive. I haven’t seen any photos of me walking down the aisle yet mid-cry so I hope any creepy ones won’t start circulating anywhere ;)
The ceremony itself went fast. It was filled with lots of eye contact between TJ & myself. We had a whole conversation with each other up on stage without once opening our mouths. It went something like: “I’m so nervous! I hope I don’t mess up the vows. I can’t believe we’re finally here! You look so handsome/beautiful. I love you.” And, honestly, I think our secret conversation is one of the things that is going to stick out most to me about our ceremony. Yes, the vows were sweet but we didn’t write them. Yes, I loved the reading that TJ’s sister read but it was so hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words at that moment. But while everyone else was listening to our marriage commissioner go through the ceremony, TJ and I had our own private moment without anyone else really noticing or knowing and it was just really special.
Another special moment was during the beginning of the ceremony when Melina was trying to give TJ her parasol to hold and then exclaimed “I GOT TO GO PEE! I GOT TO GO PEE!” It really enhanced the romantic moment. ;) But in all seriousness, it was super cute and I’m so proud of her for doing as awesome as she did on the wedding day!
So ends this first wedding day recap! Look for the next one in the coming week!
First & foremost, I am finally a married woman!
As long as TJ and I have been together, it’s still weird for us to call each other husband/wife. There have been a few instances where I had to stop myself from calling him my ‘fiancé.’ I think ‘husband’ is such a grown up sounding word though, isn’t it? I don’t consider TJ or myself grown ups at all, to be honest. Yes, we have grown up responsibilities but I just don’t feel like a grown up! I think I just may refuse to ever ‘grow up’, especially if it means becoming boring, monotonous and bland! BUT, I will save that rant for another day. I’m here to talk about the wedding.
Everything about our day was amazing, special and perfect. I honestly didn’t know what to expect when I woke up the morning of the wedding as we had not yet decided where to hold the wedding ceremony! After the weather man jumped back and forth between “90% chance of showers” to “partly cloudy” for our wedding day the entire week of our wedding, we knew the weather on our big day was going to be hit or miss! When I opened the curtains of my hotel room on the morning of the wedding, it was partly sunny and partly cloudy but the weather man called for thunderstorms in the afternoon, so we mutually decided to move the ceremony indoors to our back-up location which was the local theatre.
The one thing that was really special about both of the indoor and outdoor ceremony locations we had picked is that we visited both of them on the night TJ asked me to be his girlfriend. That night, one of our first dates when we were alone, we went to the movie at the Orpheum Theatre and saw Mission Impossible III. After the movie, we went for a walk through Royal Heights Park (after we got pulled over by the police because TJ’s work van was too loud to be driving on the streets so we had to go park and go for a walk).
The wedding morning went smoothly. Much more smoothly than I expected even though I broke my dress twice before our wedding coordinator (who I owe my life too, I swear) literally sewed me into it! Thanks Melanie! But other than that, things were perfect. My hair turned out awesome. My cousin Brandi came and did my make-up and was even applying it to me during the dress debacle. My bridesmaids look gorgeous. Our daughter was an absolute doll. It was just a dream come true.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry walking down the aisle. I didn’t want to be one of “those girls. “ But, as soon as I stepped foot into the theatre, heard my song start and saw TJ up on the stage, the waterworks turned on. Part of the tears was just because of all of the planning that went into the wedding and my disbelief that it was actually happening! The other reason I cried was just all that we’ve been through to get us to the point in life where we were actually finally able to get married. It was just overwhelming!
I calmed down by the time I reached the stage because I needed to concentrate on walking up the stairs without falling flat on my face. I also forced myself to hold back some tears because I didn’t want people to have pictures of me walking down the aisle with my ugly cry face. Some women cry gracefully. Not me. I’m one of those people whose faces wrinkle up unapologetically and I end up looking like a newborn baby and just all around repulsive. I haven’t seen any photos of me walking down the aisle yet mid-cry so I hope any creepy ones won’t start circulating anywhere ;)
The ceremony itself went fast. It was filled with lots of eye contact between TJ & myself. We had a whole conversation with each other up on stage without once opening our mouths. It went something like: “I’m so nervous! I hope I don’t mess up the vows. I can’t believe we’re finally here! You look so handsome/beautiful. I love you.” And, honestly, I think our secret conversation is one of the things that is going to stick out most to me about our ceremony. Yes, the vows were sweet but we didn’t write them. Yes, I loved the reading that TJ’s sister read but it was so hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words at that moment. But while everyone else was listening to our marriage commissioner go through the ceremony, TJ and I had our own private moment without anyone else really noticing or knowing and it was just really special.
Another special moment was during the beginning of the ceremony when Melina was trying to give TJ her parasol to hold and then exclaimed “I GOT TO GO PEE! I GOT TO GO PEE!” It really enhanced the romantic moment. ;) But in all seriousness, it was super cute and I’m so proud of her for doing as awesome as she did on the wedding day!
So ends this first wedding day recap! Look for the next one in the coming week!
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