I celebrated my 25th birthday this past weekend and do i feel old! I know there's a lot of people who will read this, scoff and say "you're not old! You're still so young!" While that may be true, I have to say that I do feel old. In my close knit group of friends, I am the only one who is married and the only one with a family. That's completely okay with me. My friends and I have been friends since elementary school and although our lives have definitely gone in different directions, we try to get together once every few months. Here's the thing, though, every time we get together, it's because there's a party or someone's birthday. Every get together is fueled with alcohol. Aside from my daughters birthday parties, I think I'd be hard pressed to find a time in recent memory where my friends and I got together and didn't drink. And I was okay with it. I didnt mind "cutting loose" every once in a while (a handful of times a year). But I think I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm just over it. I'm done. I don't need to drink to have fun. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my friends NEED to drink to have fun, I know they don't. But I just feel that we have gotten to that point in our lives where our idea of a "fun night" is completely polar opposites. I'd honestly take a night of movies and TV with my family over a night spent drinking or at the bar.
This is stemming from my extreme drunkenness this weekend. It was the drunkest I have been since having Melina and I'm embarrassed and ashamed I let myself get that bad. I didn't do anything too out of control, aside from being escorted out of the bar by a bouncer, but I just can't let it happen again. I have other responsibilities in my life now and I just can't do it anymore. I can't try to be the person I was before having Melina, where I could hold my liquor and have a super awesome amazing night out on the town, because I'm not that person anymore. Becoming a mother has changed me and my idea of fun. Maybe I'm "boring" now but I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not going to parties or forgoing a night of drinking for a night of snuggles with Melina. I don't consider myself boring at all, I'm just a different person now and I'm completely okay with that. :) I'm not saying I'm better than someone else because I'm choosing to not drink anymore. I'm just saying that my life has taken me in a direction whereby drinking doesn't have a place on the priority list anymore.
So this is my mission statement, I will no longer drink to get drunk. Any alcoholic beverages that I will have will be the kind enjoyed with a "cheat meal" and will be drank very sparingly. If I'm invited to situations where alcohol is to be consumed, I will gladly be the designated driver or kindly decline the invite.
The only exception to this rule is if I ever go to Vegas again ;)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Whatever your past has been your future is spotless.
I have started writing about 10 different blog entries since my last one but I never finish them. I write about a page and then give up because I get bored of the subject matter or just get distracted and never wind up finishing them. My goal today is to finish and post this blog. It isn’t going to be anything special but I want to get back into writing in here. So, here goes.
I am an emotional person. Scratch that. I am hypersensitive and, um, extremely, passionately emotional. It’s who I am. I cry over everything. I cry over nothing. I am a crier. And it has taken me 24 years to accept that.
I used to hide the fact that I am this way. It used to embarrass me. I remember watching movies with my parents when I was growing up and if someone died or something sad happened, I would run into another room or bury my face in the couch cushions so my parents would see me cry. I thought it was something to be ashamed of.
I can safely say, and boy, can TJ vouch for this, that I have now 110% accepted my emotions and allow them to flow freely. I won’t lie to you; the silliest things make me cry. I have cried over car insurance commercials. I have cried watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. I cry EVERY TIME (seriously) I watch a TV show like American Idol or The Voice. TJ accepts it. He thinks it’s funny (or “cute” as he says). I’m just comfortable crying in front of him. I’m not embarrassed to cry because I’m happy for the contestants who move on in the competition on The Voice or when Hedwig died in Harry Potter! TJ has pretty much just come to accept the fact that when we watch TV, I am going to cry. And I think that his acceptance is what has made me come to terms with this personality trait, which I used to consider a flaw.
I have heard people say that it’s not okay to cry in front of your children. I don’t see a problem with *this* kind of crying in front of her. Crying makes me human. Yes, I have emotions. I am not a robot. I am not a super Mom who can suppress my emotions when my child is around. If we’re watching The Voice and a judge turns his chair for a contestant, you bet I’m going to cry. If Melina has inherited my emotions, she will grow up knowing it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all cry, it’s a part of life. I cry when I am happy for someone because I channel their emotions. I am an empath (that’s a whole different blog entry though) and I literally feel what people feel. Damn rights I’m going to cry when Hedwig gets off’ed in Harry Potter. That bird was his companion for six years! Lol.
In all seriousness, though, it comes down to this: I am sensitive and I will cry. Melina will see me cry over TV shows and at her school concerts and on her first day of school. It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me, me.
I am an emotional person. Scratch that. I am hypersensitive and, um, extremely, passionately emotional. It’s who I am. I cry over everything. I cry over nothing. I am a crier. And it has taken me 24 years to accept that.
I used to hide the fact that I am this way. It used to embarrass me. I remember watching movies with my parents when I was growing up and if someone died or something sad happened, I would run into another room or bury my face in the couch cushions so my parents would see me cry. I thought it was something to be ashamed of.
I can safely say, and boy, can TJ vouch for this, that I have now 110% accepted my emotions and allow them to flow freely. I won’t lie to you; the silliest things make me cry. I have cried over car insurance commercials. I have cried watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. I cry EVERY TIME (seriously) I watch a TV show like American Idol or The Voice. TJ accepts it. He thinks it’s funny (or “cute” as he says). I’m just comfortable crying in front of him. I’m not embarrassed to cry because I’m happy for the contestants who move on in the competition on The Voice or when Hedwig died in Harry Potter! TJ has pretty much just come to accept the fact that when we watch TV, I am going to cry. And I think that his acceptance is what has made me come to terms with this personality trait, which I used to consider a flaw.
I have heard people say that it’s not okay to cry in front of your children. I don’t see a problem with *this* kind of crying in front of her. Crying makes me human. Yes, I have emotions. I am not a robot. I am not a super Mom who can suppress my emotions when my child is around. If we’re watching The Voice and a judge turns his chair for a contestant, you bet I’m going to cry. If Melina has inherited my emotions, she will grow up knowing it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all cry, it’s a part of life. I cry when I am happy for someone because I channel their emotions. I am an empath (that’s a whole different blog entry though) and I literally feel what people feel. Damn rights I’m going to cry when Hedwig gets off’ed in Harry Potter. That bird was his companion for six years! Lol.
In all seriousness, though, it comes down to this: I am sensitive and I will cry. Melina will see me cry over TV shows and at her school concerts and on her first day of school. It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me, me.
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