I have started writing about 10 different blog entries since my last one but I never finish them. I write about a page and then give up because I get bored of the subject matter or just get distracted and never wind up finishing them. My goal today is to finish and post this blog. It isn’t going to be anything special but I want to get back into writing in here. So, here goes.
I am an emotional person. Scratch that. I am hypersensitive and, um, extremely, passionately emotional. It’s who I am. I cry over everything. I cry over nothing. I am a crier. And it has taken me 24 years to accept that.
I used to hide the fact that I am this way. It used to embarrass me. I remember watching movies with my parents when I was growing up and if someone died or something sad happened, I would run into another room or bury my face in the couch cushions so my parents would see me cry. I thought it was something to be ashamed of.
I can safely say, and boy, can TJ vouch for this, that I have now 110% accepted my emotions and allow them to flow freely. I won’t lie to you; the silliest things make me cry. I have cried over car insurance commercials. I have cried watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. I cry EVERY TIME (seriously) I watch a TV show like American Idol or The Voice. TJ accepts it. He thinks it’s funny (or “cute” as he says). I’m just comfortable crying in front of him. I’m not embarrassed to cry because I’m happy for the contestants who move on in the competition on The Voice or when Hedwig died in Harry Potter! TJ has pretty much just come to accept the fact that when we watch TV, I am going to cry. And I think that his acceptance is what has made me come to terms with this personality trait, which I used to consider a flaw.
I have heard people say that it’s not okay to cry in front of your children. I don’t see a problem with *this* kind of crying in front of her. Crying makes me human. Yes, I have emotions. I am not a robot. I am not a super Mom who can suppress my emotions when my child is around. If we’re watching The Voice and a judge turns his chair for a contestant, you bet I’m going to cry. If Melina has inherited my emotions, she will grow up knowing it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all cry, it’s a part of life. I cry when I am happy for someone because I channel their emotions. I am an empath (that’s a whole different blog entry though) and I literally feel what people feel. Damn rights I’m going to cry when Hedwig gets off’ed in Harry Potter. That bird was his companion for six years! Lol.
In all seriousness, though, it comes down to this: I am sensitive and I will cry. Melina will see me cry over TV shows and at her school concerts and on her first day of school. It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me, me.
